I'm not that girl

It's so easy to get swept away by someone. All you can think about is them, and you welcome it. The time you spend with them is wonderful, no matter what you do, or how long it lasts, but when it ends, it just doesn't seem long enough. You forgive their faults, and ignore the things they do that would normally annoy you. You can forgive them; they're still wonderful.

The hardest thing about this kind of feeling is when that person doesn't feel the same.

You exist in their world, but you're not a major part of it. You're the extra in the movie of their life, not the co-star that you so want to be.

It's painful.

It can hurt to a point that you feel like it isn't worth it. You want to forget about them because you don't want to feel this way any more. You want to be able to believe that you can exist, but also that you can exist without them. But no matter how hard you try to forget about them, you just can't

Soon, this vicious downwards spiral can lead to a self-hatred. You don't think your thin enough, attractive enough, confident enough, good enough.
It hurts to think like this. You hate feeling this way, but you can't help it. It feels like your drowning in your own emotions.

What are you missing that they look for? Did you do something wrong when you were with them?

This suffocating feeling never lets you feel like you're good enough. No matter how well you did, you could have done better, and that's why they won't ever like you.

This cycle needs an outlet. Some girls suffer depression, some develop eating disorders, some find another guy to try and smother the feelings, and some just try their best to ignore it.

I write.